I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
