I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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