His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
