I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
