"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
