You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
