it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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