My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
