If i come over, it means nothing
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
