but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
