My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
