sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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