just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
