I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
