Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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