I met the friendliest cop last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
