she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
