You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
