Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
