last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
