And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
