If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Acid is not a monday night drug
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
