I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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