This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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