Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sobbing to NWA
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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