i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
