I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
