Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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