sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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