So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is wine microwaveable?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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