Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
