So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We're too hungover to prance.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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