I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
