you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
