He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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