also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
