never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
