VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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