I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
