Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
