I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
