Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
