Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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