Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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