three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
