Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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