that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
