you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We are two peas in an std pod
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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