When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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