The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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