I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
