I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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