yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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