When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
