I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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