I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
