He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
