pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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