she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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