he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
