Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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