actually, I'm a sock model
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
