some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
