2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
