I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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