A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
