Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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