we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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