She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
