I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
