Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
