Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
